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May 1 1998Well, that's debatable. ;0) But today I want to re-present to you a column I wrote here for this publication almost one year ago. I was a bit of a different fellow then, with naive ideas about a community of Goreans online. I am much wiser today.
So I bid you read the piece below and ponder this:
How much has really changed online in one year?
I wish you well,
Bear-
With the success of the Silk&Steel channel on Dalnet, IRC has found the concept of "Gorean culture" popularized over the last year and a half beyond anyone's wildest expectations. From the humble beginnings of a few men and women on Dalnet, we have grown into a community, and have set conventions that literally thousands of people follow to this day.*
But to what end?
I have noted with dismay and with regret that many people on IRC have taken the pure essence of what the Gorean philosophy is: a harsh , demanding and (in certain areas) inflexible ideology, one that is intense, dangerous and certainly not for everyone, and emasculated it to the point that in most places it reminds one of nothing more than an insipid "Three's Company" re-run on the television. Is this Gor? Is this the best we can hope to achieve?
Once, I set up a channel on AUSTnet to address questions that come to me constantly from people there who seek to take this philosophy into their lives. These people come to me openly and not so openly. They come confused and angry and repentant and distraught. But all come with one major commonality: They little appreciated what being Gorean entailed before they wholeheartedly jumped into this and started playing about on IRC. Why is this failing so widespread? Perhaps the answer lies in a question I asked in the discussion channel recently: Who trains the trainers?
Let us look first at what Gor is NOT, based on the common feedback I get:
Gor is NOT:
Just IRC. If you make a distinction between what you do to/with people online, and what you believe in your heart and practice in your life, then you play a dangerous game, may very well cause harm to an innocent person and certainly cause harm to the community as well as waste everyone's time. Too many people have been hurt very badly by those who suddenly decided that they could simply just walk away from what they did, because "It's just IRC". While no one rides a tarn to work at the 7-11, nor do they pop down to the local SlaveMart for a new girl when needed, the core values of what it means to be Gorean in this world can be applied to one's life, if one has the courage to do so, and is willing to pay the cost. Most, obviously, will not do so. I have watched men selfishly use and twist girls whose only desire was to find and touch their own slave bellies. These men, some of whom are quite proficient in the vanilla D/s world, invariably disappear from our community, confused and bitter, over their inability to come to grips with and measure up to what it is we do.
Gor is NOT: about sex, bdsm, or slave girls. Too many times sad and lonely men are attracted to what we do for the simple reason that the women appear to be vulnerable. They are able to order them about, and in that manner feel a bit better about themselves. These are not the obvious abusers or HNGS, but men who, while they have learned the vernacular of Gor in order to pass muster in some channels, have no intention of taking the philosophy to heart. They come to these channels simply for titillation. Nor are they overly concerned about their responsibility to those they interact with, or what they do to inhibit and destroy a girl who truly seeks her slave-belly. The current Gorean IRC channels are full of these. Indeed, I feel they make up the bulk of the current population of online GOR. For those interested, I suggest you read kajira Hill's web site for a very sad example from austnet.
Gor is NOT: a roleplaying game. While IRC all but forces some elements of this upon us, it is important to remember that this is a serious and adult lifestyle we speak of. To view this as a game, to think of your online self as a "character" is to diminish what it is we seek to do and to walk a narrow line between responsibility and harm. The further you remove yourself from what you do online, the easier it will be to harm another through a selfish act.
Gor is NOT: a choice. We are not Gorean because it is "fun" or because we can "get girls to netsex". We do not "choose" when to be Gorean and when not to. It is either what one is, or it is not. A man cannot "learn" to be Gorean, either by instruction or by sitting in front of a computer for hours. He can learn the vernacular, the traditions, the codes, but unless he has that drive in him, the one that fuels the courage to walk against the direction of society as we know it today, he will ultimately remain nothing more than a shallow and weak pretender, one who is easily identified by those who have the courage to walk the path. There have been times in my life, when I have paid the price that this society exacts for my lifestyle decision, that I wished I could have stepped back and let it go. But I can no more do that than I can change the color of my skin. I am what I am, and there is no leaving it.
Gor is NOT: for everyone. Despite the attempts of the weak and shallow people on IRC to dumb it down to their level, to meld vanilla D/s attitudes and ambitions with the harsh Gorean philosophy, despite those who have tried to change the very definition of honor to fit their own misdeeds, or to blur the position that slaves inhabit, Gor remains true to a number of courageous and dedicated people. But know that we watch; we see the harm you do to innocents, we see you play sex games with our lifestyle and we weep for you.
For an example of this, I direct your attention to a quote taken from a "Gorean" website, supposedly created to "help" girls new to this lifestyle. Under the heading WHAT IS A MASTER? comes this gem: Master (name removed) states..... "A master is a slave to the love and attentions of his slave, and any master who believes otherwise is a fool, and any master who is otherwise has no soul." The author of that quote is a Dom, and one who apparently enjoys being topped by his subbies. That, of course, is his choice. However, while this particular man has read the novels and can speak on Gorean flora and fauna quite easily, it is obvious that he is not Gorean as he pretends to be. That quote, and others reflecting the weakest of vanilla bdsm (but portrayed as Gorean) just as outlandish on that same site, are still up and still being read to the detriment of this community and new girls who seek only the truth. It is important to note that reading a few poorly written science fiction novels does not make one Gorean.
So, what is Gor?
GOR is:
A philosophy of strong-willed people, which is at odds in many ways with the current mores of our society. This philosophy preaches honor, integrity, brotherhood and strength. These values are, at various times, viewed as nothing more than weaknesses in our current society, indeed, we are taught from a young age that we should be ashamed of some of these and not allow them to manifest. The Gorean philosophy reminds us that each man is ultimately responsible for his own actions (within the circle of his steel, each man is an Ubar) whether they be for good or ill.
GOR is:
An incredibly intense and demanding alternate adult lifestyle. Because it deals with issues of absolute trust and total power exchange, there is tremendous room for abuse of it by weak, shallow and selfish people. While the philosophy and lifestyle themselves are not inherently dangerous, the quality of the people who call themselves "Gorean" (usually after a few hours worth of sitting on an IRC channel) make this a very dangerous choice of lifestyle for too many.
GOR is:
A place of men. Plain and simple. This is certainly counter to the current fashion of our society and perhaps that is what draws many of the men to Gor at the start. We do not pretend that women, any women, occupy the same place in our lifestyle as men do. We treat freewomen with respect and continue to treat them simply with the amount respect they then earn. We treat slave girls as property. To do anything else is to be less than Gorean and to pervert the philosophy for one's own failings.
GOR is:
A journey. It is not a destination. We have a much harder job here, in this society, to live life as Goreans than if we truly lived on the fantasy planet noted in Norman's books. Each day we, as Goreans, struggle to adjust our daily lives and conditions to the lifestyle and philosophy we have chosen to follow. The price we pay is great. The rewards are sweet. And truly, in the end, we have no choice. We are Gorean.
On a final, personal note: There are times I wonder why I bother with IRC. The Silk&Steel has been in existence for more than a year and has popularized Gor to such an extent that I cannot recognize it any longer. The current community is a morass of posers and users and shallow, selfish people looking simply to masturbate upon one another in various ways. I am convinced that fully 90% of online Gor has no idea what it is truly about.
And when I feel this way, I find my way back to the Silk&Steel Tavern on DALnet. I enter and am greeting by the smiling faces of my friends, friends who have gone through much and have paid the price to be considered Gorean. I see the shining faces of the girls there who have come to know their slave bellies at the hands of strong men, true men. And I see, perhaps, the upturned face of a new girl, frightened, unsure if what she has begun to feel is real or is simply madness, but knowing that she has found others like herself who will help, care and start her on her own journey. I look around. And I am home.
* (The most obvious being the Slave collar or { }. Recently, DALnet changed their IRC programming which had temporarily disallowed any new use of { } after a nick and when this was brought to their attention they were amazed and a bit shocked to note that over 2,000 people used this in their nicks.)
Remember, you can write Bear- at [email protected]. All letters will be read and few answered, but he might comment from time to time.