 Previous |
 Main |
Next  |
January 15 1998Two things brought the topic of this weeks column to mind for me. The first I commented on previously; I re-stumbled upon a very silly "gorean" web site where the owner opines that since no one rides a tarn to work and no one carries a sword to the mall, then it follows that no one can be Gorean in this society. As I pointed out then, such logic is self-serving, as it then allows such shallow peoples to do whatever they wish (and they do!), and call it "gorean" since they consider it all to be play anyway.
Second was an assertion by one who visited the discussion channel #silk&Steel on aust.net this week. To whit:
"First, Gor is meaningless without slaves..."
We batted this back and forth a bit, with me pointing out that if his assertion were to be the case, then it is certainly true that the wrong sex is wearing all the collars around the world. His position was, I think, that Gor is based on totally relationships and without them, there is no Gor. The fallacy of that argument seems self-evident to me, but it struck me that there are probably a lot of folks out there whose only experience with Gor is through the novels and IRC, and have no idea that one can *truly* seek to live ones life by the codes and traditions in this society.
So lets talk. *sigh*
I made a decision at age 20, when I began my life on my own after college, that I would walk with a certain amount of honor. I had no self-delusions that I was any great figure of valor or integrity, or that I had the strength to resist temptation, but simply that I would live my life as best I could so that I could look myself in the mirror each morning.
This, then, was the first step on my path.
I had relationships with women, here and there, since my time in high school. Normal, vanilla ones. But as I grew older, and as I grew to understand more about myself, I began to sense that something was a bit askew in these relationships. It was about this time when I realized that the feelings I had inside for the manner in which women and men should relate could not be denied. In order to explore these feelings, I found myself falling in with those who enjoyed bdsm/dsms practices on occasion. At first I had thought this was the fulfillment I was looking for. The spankings, the discipline, the feel of "correctness" to have a submissive woman obey you. As a young man, I thought I had surely found what I had sought.
But soon, I found that to not be the case. After a short time I began to realize a few things. The women were not wholly submissive, they simply mouthed the phrases in order to elicit a response from those who supposedly "topped" them. These women would play the "brat" simply to cause a "top" to discipline them, during which they would either laugh with the top about it or put a stop to the proceedings by the use of a "safe word". I found that such games, fully controlled and determined by those supposedly under the domination of others, to be distasteful and false. It was not the "doms" who controlled the "subs", indeed, it was the "subs" who caused their "doms" to jump and fetch and all but bark whenever the subbie felt the need to be spanked.
In all the time I was in the scene, speaking to literally hundreds of people, I could find no one who understood that what I sought was something more, something deeper than the act of merely pretending to dominate another. So I withdrew from that crowd and began to live my life as I saw it to be and search for those who might understand.
It took a very long time. I do not remember when it first occurred to me to call what I do "Gorean". I had read the novels in high school, and had re-read the series several time since then. I have often said to people that it is not so much "Gor" that matters, that John Norman's creation is the vehicle through which we have chosen to relate to one another, because for some reason it speaks to us. (I also go on to point out that if the New York Yankees embodied Honor, Integrity and Brotherhood, we may all be wearing pinstripes and owning ballgirls). So, as I see it, we do not live to embody these concepts because we are Gorean, we are Gorean, because we strive to live with these concepts. These "codes".
Next week, part two; where we get to some issues on living as a Gorean, where I again allow you all much too much access into my personal journey, and where we solve the pressing question of who cuts the lawn?
Until then, I wish you well.