A Slave's Thought By feiqua{Mar}

Over the past 16 months that this girl has been on Gor she has seen many girls come and go. It seems to feiqua that the ones who stay are the ones who learn to "love their collar." These are the ones who serve not because of the attention that it brings them, but because of the pure joy that it brings them: the joy of being pleasing to Men, the joy of laying at the feet of Men. They serve because if they did not, they would die inside. The books tell us that "a Gorean slave's principle requirement is to be pleasing." It is NOT pleasing to have the attitude of "Hey, look at me! Look at how good I am..prove your worth to me." To feiqua, such an attitude is that of an Earth sub, not a Gorean Kajira. A Gorean slave girl's primary purpose is to serve Men. This does not just mean fetching Him food and drink, or warming His feet or lap, or being up under Him constantly. Serving Him could be cooking, cleaning, darning, sewing, etc. Serving is anything and everything that the Man decides it to be, not what the girl decides she wants it to be. The two duties of a Gorean slave girl, we are told, are exquisite beauty and absolute obedience. Absolute Obedience. Hmm, that is a big one. feiqua has seen girls who are only obedient when it pleases them, only when they "get something out of it". Yes, absolute obedience is not easy to accomplish; it is difficult, and many of us fight it.

Lately this girl is of the opinion that most of the slaves online can be divided into three separate types... those who have already begun to love their collar, those who do not love their collar yet, and those who will never love their collar. Those who have learned to love their collar serve from their hearts and bellies. They serve because if they did not, they feel as if they would wither and die. They know themselves to be slave, and they understand that their primary purpose is to be pleasing to Men. Those who have not yet learned to love their collar feel no such desire. They serve because they enjoy it, or they enjoy the attention it brings them. Those who will never love their collar serve because, to their way of thinking, it puts them in a better position to manipulate men. And a Gorean slave who wishes to manipulate men is something other than a Gorean slave.

When this girl first came to her Master's chain she was nothing like she is now. The girl that my Master bought did not yet understand the collar, much less love it. Over the past nine months, not only has feiqua grown to know and understand the meaning of having His collar locked about her throat, but she has also grown to love it; and the growth within her slavery reflects this. This girl has noticed that there are many other slaves such as she: girls who have grown in their slavery; girls who have come to love their collars. feiqua uses the term collar literally and figuratively, because some of the girls that feiqua has seen have necks unadorned with a Master's steel. These girls serve because they need to do so, deep within their soul. They are flowers which have blossomed by learning that they belong at the feet of Men. Serving is their ultimate purpose, striving to be pleasing, doing the chores, large and small, a girl does for her Master. feiqua has noticed the girls she has observed as loving their collars are those who have learned that serving is about the Master, and not about them. These girls serve for the joy that it brings to them to serve Men and be found pleasing by Them. Yes, a slave does things to be noticed, to attract the attention of a certain Master. She does these things not for selfish reasons, but for the pleasure of the Master.

A girl's growth within her slavery takes time..it is not something which happens overnight. It is a rough road, a long, at times difficult, journey. A very wise Master once told feiqua (long before she became feiqua) that the journey she was undertaking would be the most difficult of her life. He was correct. It has been a long arduous journey, and a girl knows that it is far from over, but the compensation she has received is amazing: the joy that she feels inside while serving her Master and the knowledge that she serves Him in all that she does, no matter where she is. The knowledge that she still serves Him, whether she is at His feet, or at the feet of another. In being found pleasing by another, thus serving He who Owns her brings yet more joy into her heart, knowing that she has learned what she is, where she belongs. feiqua's journey has been wrought with much self realization, at times very painful, but that same wise Master when she went to Him and told Him of her pain, again reminded her that the journey would be the most difficult of her life. This girl's Master once told her that she was Kajira, strong.. that she should hold her head up and be proud of what she is. When He told that to a girl, she admits that she did not fully understand His meaning. feiqua is not yet certain that she understands it fully, but she knows in her heart more about it than she did seven months ago when it was said. feiqua is Kajira... she is Owned, she has worth, value as a piece of property, she is proud of what she is. Today feiqua is proud that Men find her pleasing and desirable. Today feiqua holds her head highly, proudly exposing her Master's steel locked upon her throat, and all that it encompasses and signifies.